Don't ever go to my Mom for weight loss tips.
- Momma: I went to the doctor yesterday - I've gained 10 pounds.
- Me: Oh dear.
- Momma: Yeah, so I had a turkey sandwich & two pickles for lunch & that's all I'm eating today.
- Me: Momma! You have to eat!
- Momma: Not until I get this weight off I don't!
- Me: No. You have to eat to lose weight.
- Momma: Not true. Last year when I was in the hospital I wasn't eating & I lost weight.
- Me: You were in a COMA!
- I always wished Tilda Swinton was my mom.
Where's the duct tape?
I’ve got pomeranians and duct tape!